Dear parents!
We would like to thank you for your thoughtful kindness during Teacher Appreciation week. Working with your children is engaging and joyful for us and we thank you for all of your support!
As Mother's Day approaches we have been reading books about Mommies. Mommy and Me, Are You My Mother and Teeny Weeny Looks for His Mommy are favorites. Mommy and Me has sparked some discussion about what we like to do with our mommies.
We've also enjoyed working on a special project for our own mothers this week .
Dear parents , we are noticing an exciting social/emotional development in several of our friends. Maybe you have noticed it too...they are starting to use the word "No". Why do I use the word exciting to describe this development when it's often viewed as the onset of the terrible two's? Well, I find it exciting because it's normal and expected in typically developing children and it is an important developmental milestone. It signifies their development of sense of self, separate from the important adults in their lives and also a burgeoning development of independence and autonomy. Of course we want our children to be respectful, but does that mean they should always be compliant? When I child says "No" what they are really telling us is,"please give me more choices, I'm ready". The ability to make choices is an important executive function we want to help them grow and develop. It also shows they trust the adults in their lives enough to test this out. Sometimes this resistance can be a sign they want your attention and a better sense of connection. So how do we best navigate this?
Connect with them. Slow down for even just 10-15 minutes a day and meet them in their world, at their pace doing something they enjoy. Let them lead the interaction and give them your full and undivided attention. Then, when that "No." inevitably comes, you can take a deep breath and be thankful they trust you because you've built that connection strong.
We can also help support them by avoiding yes or no questions and giving them lots of choices throughout the day at school and at home. At this age and stage, giving two acceptable options is developmentally appropriate and shouldn't overwhelm our friends. Let them choose between two outfits, two breakfast options, two lunch options...whenever you can, let them choose. If mornings are hectic, let them choose the night before. By taking that extra time to allow them to choose insignificant things now, you are giving them much needed practice for the more important decisions they must make as they grow older.
For tasks you know they do not like try to give a small choice about when it gets done to avoid the dreaded power struggle. For example, "Friends, do you want to clean up for snack now or in 5 minutes?" They may still complain or start to refuse and you can remind them, "Oh you chose 4 minutes and it's been 5 minutes so now it's time to clean up." Or set a timer and take yourself out of the equation, "The timer says it's time to clean up!"
There will be times where there really is no choice and we need to set firm limits for safety or sanity's sake. Say for instance a child is throwing food, "The food stays on the table or in your mouth. If you throw food, you are showing us you are all done." The natural consequence follows that their food goes away if they choose to throw it again and we might say something like, "All done. We can try again the next time we eat."
For a playful approach, you can also try making "No" into a game. When one of our friends was saying "No" about everything, I started asking them really crazy questions like, "Do you want bugs/worms/rocks for snack?" to which they squealed and exclaimed, "No!" This gave them a chance to tell me no repeatedly and in a clearly teasing way much to their delight. Then I threw in questions like, "Do you want cookies for snack?" just to see if they would catch themselves automatically saying "No!" This friend caught it and then laughed and yelled, "Cookies!"
"No" is a very powerful word and so is the way in which we respond to it. Thanks for reading and for being such kind and supportive parents.
Shabbat Shalom!
Morah Ora and Morah Goldie
